i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
