tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
