I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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