Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
