3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
