why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
