Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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