On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
