I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
