Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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