That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
