My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
