no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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