i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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