The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
