her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
