I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
