Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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