She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
