Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
