saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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