Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My bed smells like the plague
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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