I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
