Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
