it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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