Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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