One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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