You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
