yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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