Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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