ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
