you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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