tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
