If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
