And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That accounts for only three of the penises
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
