The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
