I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You don't make any sense
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