she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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