Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
