Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How external is "for external use only"?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
