you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
