When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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