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And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
