why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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