Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My cat gives me a boner
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
