I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
