i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
