a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
