So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
