Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
