Well apparently he's into motor boating.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
