I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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