Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
