I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
