Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
