so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
