the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
