worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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