I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
