His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
