College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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