Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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