We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
