We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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