Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
