That's when you crack a 10am beer
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i came on her dog
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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