Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
