it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
