my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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