you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
